Nothing To Me
by DemonicBallerina
Summary: I looked up and saw something that made my heart lurch. Paul was standing there, looking about ready to kill someone. And the scary thing was, his eyes, so full of pain, hatred and dark fury, were on me, not Jesse.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Meg Cabot owns everything from The Mediator.**

**Nothing To Me**

**Chapter One**

**Suze's POV**

I tried to hide it. To keep it all to myself. Nobody needed to know about this anyway. I didn't need their sympathy.

They'd just ask questions. But what am I supposed to say to them? Oh, yeah, my boyfriend's just dumped me.

Um, Suze? _What _boyfriend?

They wouldn't understand.

So I just kept smiling. Pretending nothing was wrong

I didn't think any anyone would notice. And for a while no one did. I just suffered in silence while everyone else got on with his or her own lives.

And then the day of my next shifter lesson with Paul came.

Funny how when I actually needed to protect Jesse I'd have given anything for an excuse not to go, but now that it didn't make a difference whether he stayed or went I'd rather spend an afternoon with Paul than on my own. Because, knowing that there was no chance Jesse was going to show up, it would have been torture. I was hoping the shifter lesson would take my mind of it.

Paul was waiting for me in the parking lot after school, as was routine on the days we had shifter lessons together. I walked over to him, mumbled, "Hello," and got into his car.

I've never in the past, actually made an effort to talk to Paul during the shifter lessons. Not unless I had to. And today I acted no different. I just got into the car and as he reversed out of the parking space I turned my gaze to the sea and just stared at it. I didn't actually _care _about it anymore. It no longer fascinated me. That numb feeling I'd got when Jack exorcised Jesse that time had returned full force, and I'd found I didn't really care about a lot of things anymore. But watching the sea shimmer in the dazzling sunlight gave me something to focus on other than Jesse. And after he left I'd have been grateful for anything that would bring my thoughts away from him.

Anyway, as we headed for Paul's house and we were both sitting there in silence Paul somehow realised, despite my perfectly normal, less than enthusiastic behaviour, that there was something wrong. I couldn't believe it when he mentioned it to me. We were about halfway there when suddenly he just went, "So what's the matter then?"

I was so shocked. My best friends and even my own mother hadn't noticed anything was wrong. Yet here was PAUL of all people asking me about it!

I didn't tell him, of course. I wasn't about to spill my heart out to him, just because he'd noticed something about me that nobody else had. _Hello_! This is _Paul_ we're talking about. As if I'd tell _him_ anything.

So I just told him it was nothing and hoped he'd just leave it at that.

He didn't though. I'd known he wouldn't. Since when does Paul Slater give up without a fight?

"Nothing?" He repeated. "Are you kidding, Suze? You've been like this for days! I mean you've put up a pretty good act that everything's fine. But I can tell it's only an act. I know something's wrong."

So now he'd known for _days_. How? If it were _that _obvious then surely somebody else would have noticed. There was no way Paul knew me well enough to be able to tell these thing better than my friends. Was there?

But I wouldn't tell him any more. This wasn't for him to know. So I just said again, in a quiet voice, "It's nothing."

Because there was no way I could tell him. Maybe if Cee Cee had asked I'd have told her, even though I still felt uncomfortable talking about anything ghost related with her. But I couldn't tell Paul. Not about Jesse.

After my second refusal to tell him anything he looked over to me, just for a second, and I could tell straight away that he knew. Like he'd just thought 'Ok, Suze is miserable. So it must have something to do with Jesse. What else could it possibly be?' I was just waiting for him to be all 'I told you so', but for some reason he didn't start rubbing it in my face or do anything that I would have expected him to do in this situation. He just looked back at the road and didn't say a word. It was like he knew that I didn't want to talk about it and was actually respecting that wish.

I stared at him. Why wasn't he saying anything? What was going on?

Paul suddenly glanced at me and I quickly turned to stare at the sea again.

Neither of us said anything more until we got to Paul's house, where he got out his articles on shifting and began to read something from them.

I zoned out almost instantly.

The idea of going to this shifting lesson had been to take my mind off Jesse leaving me, but I found that whether I'm sitting on my own bed with a magazine or Paul's with and old newspaper article didn't make a difference. I just couldn't concentrate. What Paul had said about knowing that something had been wrong with me all week just had me feeling worse. Why hadn't anyone else noticed? Did they just not care?

I knew I was being ridiculous. Of course my family and friends cared about me! It was stupid to think otherwise. But for some reason I couldn't help myself. And no matter how many times I told myself I was wrong it just got worse.

You can't blame me, really. I was already an emotional wreck after Jesse left me. I felt betrayed by him. I'd thought he cared. He'd told me he loved me. Then, just a few days later, he'd dematerialised right out of my life.

I guess that's what did it in the end. That thought and feeling of betrayal just kept coming back to me, and in the end I couldn't take it anymore. Tears began to leak from my eyes. Horrified, I tried to stop them. I could _not _cry! Not here. Not in front of Paul. I closed my eyes, willing the tears away, but the sob that escaped me gave me away anyway.

I knew Paul had noticed. How could he not have? But I didn't dare look at him; I just buried my head in my hands and let the tears fall. There was no point in hiding them now anyway.

Then something happened that shocked me. I felt an arm go round my shoulders and before I could even react Paul pulled me close to him and let me sob onto his shoulder. I didn't fight it or anything I just put my arms around him and let him comfort me.

**A/N: Not perfect but I've tried my best. This should only be short. Like four or five chapters maybe. I've got too many other stories to make this too long. I hope you like the first chappy! I've already started the next one so hopefully it won't take too long. Pleasereview and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Nothing To Me **

**Chapter Two**

Suze's POV

Look, just don't ask what I was thinking right then. I was hysterical. Paul was the only person there and probably the only person who gave a damn about me at the time.

We didn't do anything more than hug, though. That is a very important point. Paul didn't even try anything. I suppose even he knew it would have been completely WRONG for him to have taken advantage of me right then. He just held me while I cried. Kind of tightly too, might I add? But not like he was going to crush me or anything, just like he really didn't want to let go.

How sweet of him.

So I kind of forgot that this was the guy I was supposed to hate and just let him do his thing.

Comfort me, I mean.

Nothing else.

Ok, so maybe he kissed the top of my head and yeah, maybe that made me start to return the not-wanting-to-let-go feeling but, like I said, I was hysterical. That is my only defence. And I happen to think that it is a rather good one.

So there.

I stopped crying eventually. Thank goodness. I know you've heard this before but I really hate crying. It's just not nice. Although it does have its perks when hot guys pull you into their arms and kiss the top of your head and stuff when it happens.

Arg! Shut up, brain! Shut up, shut up, shut up!

I'll admit I didn't sit up straight away. I mean, after being dumped by Jesse it felt really nice to be held like that by Paul. So I just stayed there for a few minutes and stared at… um, the bed post.

Yeah, it was a right laugh.

Good times.

NOT!

When I did pull away and look up at Paul wondered if I should have let him do that. I mean, what if he got any ideas? Eep! Then I looked down at his shirt. It was soaked from where I'd been crying on it.

Whoops!

Good thing I'd gotten into the habit of wearing waterproof mascara, otherwise that shirt would have been ruined.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"It doesn't matter," he told me, looking down at the shirt. "So… feeling better?"

I shrugged.

I didn't really know. I mean, I suppose I did a little bit, but the whole Jesse thing hadn't gone away just because Paul hugged me and I happened to like it a little bit.

"Care to tell me what happened?" He asked, standing up.

Um, _no._

"Um, well…" I started to say but then I kind of trailed off when he just totally went and took off his shirt! You know, the one that had all the tear stains on it. I swear my eyes bugged, and my face must have held certain similarities to a tomato.

The colour, I mean.

Paul noticed where I was looking and smirked then he headed over to his wardrobe and started looking for a clean shirt…

Very slowly.

That sneaky little… thing. He must have known I was about to make an excuse to leave and done that just to make me want to stay!

Well it wasn't going to work! I stood up and, dragging my eyes away from him, I said, "I have to go now. Andy will go mad if I'm late for dinner."

Then, using all the will power I possessed, I started towards the door.

Paul wasn't having any of it though. In a few strides he was in front of me and had blocked the door.

"No," he said firmly, "You're not going anywhere."

Excuse me? _What?_

I stared at him like he was crazy.

Which, you know, he may well have been.

I also happened to notice he hadn't put a top on yet.

Why me?

"God, Paul!" I said, "Why do you always have to-"

"Because," he interrupted, "I want to know what happened."

No _way_! I was _not_ going to talk to _Paul_ about_ Jesse_!

No! No! _No!_

"Paul, please, I've got to go."

Paul looked at his watch. "No you don't. It's just gone four. You've got plenty of time before you have to go."

Again: no! No! NO!

"Andy's um, making dinner earlier tonight…"

Oh great, as if it's not enough that the guy's hot and shirtless, I also happen to be crap at lying to him too! I mean, he wasn't even close to buying it.

"You're not leaving until I've heard what happened."

You know, the whole comforting me when I was crying thing really had me fooled. I'd thought he was being rather sweet for a change. But now I realise that all along he was being the same old Paul with his stupid stubbornness and his stupid smirks and his stupid naked chest.

Arg.

"Please don't do this Paul, I _really_ don't want to talk about it."

I gave him a pleading look but I could tell he wasn't going to change my mind.

Did I ever mention that I HATE Paul Slater?

Yeah, with a passion.

"That may very well be. But you're going to."

Why should I, though? He's not the boss of me!

Apparently he was, though since a few seconds later I groaned and went to sit on his bed.

Paul smirked that stupid evil smirk and went and put a clean shirt on.

Right, so now that I'm STAYING you decide to put your clothes back on.

Well that's just _great_!

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, annoyed.

"You've been hurt badly, Suze. I'm not going to let you go on suffering in silence. Pretending like nothing's wrong. Because it is not going to do you any favours."

Oh and now he's trying to play the good guy. Well sorry Mr You're-Not-Going-Anywhere but it's a little late for that.

I gave him a sarcastic look. "Oh and telling you is?"

He smiled, "I can't go kick Jesse's ass for hurting you if I don't know what went on."

My eyes widened.

He's gonna do _what_ now?

"_What_?"

"I'm joking, Suze."

"Oh."

Of course he was. Because he couldn't possibly ever be even the tiniest bit protective over me.

And now that I think about it. I'm not even being sarcastic.

What's he even doing joking at a time like this?

_Hello_! I'm _heartbroken_ here!

I looked away from him.

Stupid jerk.

"So are you going to tell me?"

UGH! Why wouldn't he just leave me alone?

I _really_ don't need this right now.

I gave him one last annoyed look then reluctantly nodded.

Well, what else could I do? Make a run for the door while he's not expecting it? Yeah, I'm sure that would work. If I actually managed to get past Paul somehow then he'd probably only sic Biker Bob on me, and this time I didn't have my Jimmy Choos to use in my defence.

God, life sucks.

"It was Jesse," I muttered.

_No_! You think?

He nodded; he'd already figured that out.

I glared down at my feet, really not looking forward to remembering it all.

"I really thought he loved me, you know. He'd said so himself just a few days before it happened. Then the next thing I knew, he'd just broken up with me."

And then I was crying again. Not bawling my eyes out like I had been just before, but a few tears had started to trickle down my cheeks. Well this was just great wasn't it? I couldn't even _talk_ about Jesse without starting to cry. And it was getting worse too. This officially sucked!

"H-he said that we needed to stop and that he c-couldn't see me anymore because it would n-never work out." By now the tears were pouring out once again and my voice was actually shaking as I spoke. Why? Why do things like this always have to happen to me? "I love h-him so much and he just left…"

God, why did I have to tell him this? Why couldn't I just go home and wallow in misery by myself instead of having Paul next to me and making it like a hundred times worse?

Suddenly he reached out and took my hand. I flinched slightly, not really wanting him to touch me, but then I just ignored it. I couldn't be bothered arguing with him anymore. Then he put his other hand on my cheek and turned my face round so I was looking at him. And he just let it linger on there, softly brushing his thumb across my skin.

I stared at him, trying to ignore the tingly feeling his touch had on me.

"I'm sorry," he said.

No he wasn't! How could he be sorry about _this_ after all he'd done to me in the past?

I knocked his hand away angrily.

"Yeah, right," I said bitterly. Well, that's what I was aiming for it to sound like. It came out as more of a croak really. "I bet this is what you wanted isn't it?"

He shook his head. "Of course not. I swear I never, ever wished this on you."

How could he say that when he'd said the complete opposite to my face so many times before?

He looked into my eyes. "When I told you to give it up I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted you to get hurt," He went on in a soft voice that I found was making it pretty hard to be angry with him. Especially when my hand was still in his. I pulled it out of his grasp for good measure.

"Oh yeah?" I said, "Well what were you expecting to happen? I love him, remember?"

A very good point, I think.

"When I said that I wanted it to be your own choice. One you were happy with. Otherwise, what was the point?"

Liar.

… I think.

God, why was he being so nice again? It was making me want to throw my arms back round him and just not let go this time. Something I was determined not to do again after the way he had just treated me.

Then he had to go and make it all even harder by taking out his handkerchief and mopping up my tears.

"Can I go now?" I asked.

Paul nodded and stood up.

"Come on," he said, "I'll take you."

As soon as we got outside I decided I would not set foot in there again.

And that was a promise.

Too bad I'm not very good at keeping them.

**A/N: So, you like? The next chapter will probably take longer but I'll try and get round to doing it as soon as I can. Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm glad you all enjoyed it.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Paul's pov**

"Suze?"

She ignored me. Silently staring at the sea in the same way she had on the way to my house.

"Suze, I'm sorry for the way I treated you before."

Suze mumbled something. I wasn't sure what it was but I think I can safely say that it wasn't anything along the lines of, 'I forgive you Paul. Stop the car and let's make out!'

She was really pissed at me.

"I really am you know. I just thought you needed to talk about it."

Suze just reached over and switched the radio on. I switched it back off.

She finally spoke then. "I don't want to come to anymore shifter lessons."

And that was it. I no longer had any reason to spend time with Suze. She didn't want to come. And I didn't have any way to make her.

I felt really pathetic then. I mean, first I had to blackmail the girl I like into spending time with me. And then the one time she came to me on her own free will I went and completely screwed everything up!

I knew that the reason why Suze didn't want to come to the shifter lessons was because I'd been so pushy before. But I needed to know if there was any way I could change her mind. I had to ask, "Why?"

She laughed bitterly. "Where do I start? Shouldn't it be obvious anyway? Or do you not realise how the way you treat me makes me feel? Believe me Paul; I have every reason to do this! And every reason to hate you!"

That hurt. It really did. I can't tell you how bad it felt to hear the acid in her voice and the painful truth that while I loved her she really did hate me.

I didn't say anything after that. Not even when we pulled up in front of her house and she got out of the car. I just glared at her back as she walked up the driveway. When she reached the door she glanced at me then quickly turned round and let herself in.

* * *

"You have to be kidding me," I said, staring at Father Dominic. 

"Mr Slater," The priest said, "This is the second time you've behaved aggressively towards a member of staff. I'd have thought you'd leant your lesson after your suspension last month."

I couldn't believe this! Detention every night this week! And it was all down to Suze.

And it's not as if Mr Walden hadn't been asking for it. So _what_ if he'd asked for silence? I _needed_ to speak to Suze!

And now I was on detention for it.

Thank you Suze.

"We will not tolerate such behaviour at this school," Father Dominic told me for about the fifth time.

Like I really needed to hear this.

I swear I was ready to just get up and leave right then. And I would have done if someone hadn't materialised into the room, right on cue to make my day even better.

_Jesse_.

He seemed surprised to find me here, chatting to his dear friend, Father Dominic. Then he got over that and just seemed angry. He seemed to have forgotten that I had just as much right to be here as he did. In fact I had more right. Jesse was dead. He shouldn't have been there at all.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, not very nicely, for someone who was standing right next to a priest.

"Getting detention," I told him casually. "Not that it's any of your business."

I think that Father Dominic must have noticed the hostile looks we were giving each other right about then because I saw him standing up out of the corner of my eye. "Well that's all I needed to talk to you about, Paul. You can go back to class now," he said hastily, but I ignored him. I had a bone to pick with Jesse.

Sure, I'd been joking last night when I told Suze I was going to kick her beloved's ass. But I was never one to ignore an opportunity when I came across one.

"I spoke to Suze last night," I told Jesse. I stood up and walked towards him.

His eyes narrowed. "I thought I told you-"

"To stay away from her?" I interrupted. "I know. But, I wonder, does that still count if _she's_ the one coming to_ me_?" The look on Jesse's face right then was priceless. I grinned. "And how could I turn her away when she was so _upset_ after what happened the other day?"

"_Paul_…" Father Dominic warned, but I wasn't about to go anywhere. What could he do anyway? Call in the secretary and tell her I was antagonising the ghost he wanted to talk to?

I don't think so.

"Susannah wouldn't…" Jesse began.

"She did though. She told me all about what happened between the two of you. She was very upset about it all. But there's no need to worry; I… comforted her."

I was very pleased with the effect this piece of information had on Jesse. He was furious. He looked about ready to murder me on the spot but, of course, wouldn't dream of displaying such violence in front of a priest.

Instead he had to settle for leaving. I laughed as he dematerialised from the room then, without a single glance in Father Dominic's direction walked out of the office.

* * *

The plus side of having detention was that it gave me some time to decide what I was going to do about Suze. Not that I got very far. I didn't have anything on her anymore. And I had blown the only chance she was going to give me. There was really only one thing left that I could do. 

Give up.

And that really wasn't my style.

But when four o' clock came and I still hadn't thought of anything I was almost ready to consider it.

Almost.

Only, when I got home I found I didn't have to worry about it.

About two minutes after I got in The doorbell rang and when I answered it I found Suze standing in the doorway.

* * *

**A/N: I'm a bit disappointed that I only got two reviews for the last chapter. And one of them was from my sister. Thank you nikki007 for reading, I'm glad you liked it. Can I have some more feedback for this chapter? Pretty please?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Nothing To Me**

Chapter Four 

**Suze's pov**

I don't have a clue what got into me.

It's just… you should have seen him the night before.

I hadn't expected it at all. I mean this was Paul Slater, someone who had been hell bent on ruining my life ever since I refused to go out with him. I just didn't think a bunch of words could have the effect on him that they had. Because that's all they were. Words. I hadn't meant them. Sure, I'd been angry with Paul, but I didn't _hate_ him. Not really.

But when I looked back at him as I was stepping into my house, and I saw all the hurt and bitter frustration in his eyes, I knew he'd believed them. And I just felt horrible.

It was ridiculous, I know, but although I hated the way he had forced me to tell him what had happened. It did make me feel better to get it off my chest. I'd really needed a friend and, despite his faults Paul had been there for me. And after calming down and thinking it through, I guess I was grateful for that. Maybe Paul wasn't perfect, but he cared about me and it was wrong of me to treat him the way I had.

So that was why I was at Paul's. Because I wanted to say sorry.

Paul was surprised to see me standing in his doorway. Surprised but happy. Um, for the first few seconds anyway, then he looked like wasn't sure what he should be thinking.

"Suze," he said, looking like he couldn't quite believe he was seeing me here.

"Hey," I said nervously.I was surprised that I'd actually brought myself to do this. I mean, I was actually about to apologise to Paul, I never thought I'd end up doing something like that, "can I come in?"

Paul hesitated for a few seconds then decided I was worth talking to and stepped aside. I stepped in and he shut the door behind me. Then, turning to face me, he said, "So… What is it? You lose something yesterday?"

Ok, that seemed kind of pessimistic. Not that I've given Paul any reason to have faith in me in the past, I just thought it didn't seem like something Paul would say, that's all.

He seemed to be getting slightly angry, like he thought I was rubbing it in that I didn't really have to come here anymore. He must have thought I was trying to wind him up.

I smiled sheepishly. "Um… actually, I'm here to say sorry."

He blinked.

"You're sorry?" he asked tonelessly.

"Yeah," I said ignoring his less than enthusiastic reaction to the news, "about what I said yesterday. I think I was a bit harsh."

Try _very_ harsh, Suze, it would be more accurate after all.

Looking up at Paul, I saw that he looked a lot less pleased about this than I expected.

"You're kidding me, right?" he asked. "Last night you said you hated me."

Ok, I hadn't actually expected him to not believe me. You know, I am capable of being nice to people, funnily enough.

I wasn't really sure what to say to him then.

"Well… I just…I guess I didn't mean it."

Surprisingly, he didn't seem to care.

"You guess you didn't mean it?" he repeated starting to look annoyed. "This may come as a surprise to you Suze, since I know what you think of me, but what you said to me yesterday hurt. So why did you say it if you didn't mean it?"

I looked up at him uncomfortably.

"Look, I already said I was sorry Paul. And I meant it. I was just really upset last night, with you bringing it all up like that. I just… didn't know you'd take it so badly."

Translation: I'm sorry, I wasn't aware you had feelings.

Way to go, Suze.

Paul shook his head. "I can't believe you, Suze," he said with a bitter laugh.

I guess that's what did it. His attitude, I mean. Like he suddenly thought all the bad stuff that had happened in the past was my fault, not his. Like this made him so much better than me. Like he was suddenly perfect.

"You know what?" I said, fed up, if he didn't want to listen to me then I wasn't going to make him. "I don't have to do this. I mean for someone who's so upset about me saying that I hate you, you're certainly taking the fact that I don't really badly." I noticed with satisfaction that Paul actually looked pretty guilty when I said that. I continued, trying to hide my smugness, "But if you really don't care then neither do I."

Feeling pleased with myself I turned round to storm off.

Only I didn't get very far because then Paul grabbed my arm and spun me back round to face him. "I _do_ care," he said.

"You know, you've got a funny way of showing it," I told him, "what with the not believing that I am capable of admitting when I'm wrong and all."

I glared at him. Paul just glared right back.

"Why not? You've never given me any reason to believe it," he said.

"Try having a little faith in me," I replied, rolling my eyes.

Paul stopped glaring at me then and just looked at me for a minute. Then he went, in a soft voice, "Ok."

And he kissed me.

I don't know why I let it happen. I mean, even though I was single now I really shouldn't have. But I did.

And I enjoyed it.

While it lasted anyway, which wasn't all that long. Because, even though I definitely liked being kissed by Paul Slater, something told me it was wrong. Probably the fact that I'd been kissing a guy who totally hates him just a few days earlier.

I pulled away.

"I can't… we shouldn't do this," I said, somewhat reluctantly.

"What?" Paul asked looking confused. "Don't you want to?"

I looked up at him, our faces were still pretty close together, and I could tell it was driving us both nuts. "I just… can't. It's only been-"

Paul interrupted, looking annoyed, "Don't tell me you're still trying to stay true to de Silva."

"I…" I didn't really know how to reply. When he put it like that it sounded kind of stupid.

"Suze, _Jesse_ broke up with _you_. You don't owe him anything."

I thought about this. It really was a good point. I mean, Jesse couldn't even give our relationship a chance, even after it had been going so well for the two of us. And Paul… well, he'd been really nice to me yesterday. And at least he wanted me.

"You're right," I said. Then I pulled his head back down to mine and kissed him with all the desperation I'd had bottled up inside me since Jesse left. And Paul kissed me back in the same way; like this was all he'd wanted to do since, well, the last time he kissed me. His hands went down to my waist and pulled my body closer to his. All this was something I had desperately wanted to avoid yesterday, but now I just couldn't help myself. Everything about him, his scent, the feel of his hair between my fingers and his lips on mine, was intoxicating, intense and addictive. I loved it.

Paul broke away and leant his forehead against mine. We were both breathing pretty hard, and both had big grins on our faces.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted you to do that for," Paul said, bringing his hand up to stoke my cheek. The smile on his face was a truly happy one. I didn't actually think I'd ever seen him smile like that before and it just made me feel so good that I'd caused it.

I laughed. "We haven't really known each other for _that_ long."

"Long enough," Paul said. He kissed me again. God, I'd forgotten how good a kisser Paul was. I was so glad I actually had an excuse to let myself enjoy it this time.

"I should probably be going now," I said when we broke apart again.

Paul looked disappointed but said, "Need a ride?"

I nodded with a smile, "That would be great."

**A/N: Yay! Thank you so much for the reviews! I'd reply to them but I've got to go now. One thing though. This is not the end of it. J/S or P/S for this story? I might not choose whatever wins in the end (it depends on how what I've already got planned turns out) but I want to know what you think anyway.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Suze's pov**

I went home happier than I had been in what seemed like ages. Everything just seemed so much simpler now. I mean, being angry with Jesse was just easier than being heartbroken because of him. Things just didn't seem so bad anymore.

I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Because when I walked into my bedroom and found Jesse sitting on the window seat, all that simplicity just went right out the window.

He was just sat there, with his stupid cat sat on his lap - practically jumping for joy because his 'true' master was finally home. It was as if he had never left.

Except that I was furious. And I don't remember ever being this mad at him before he left. How DARE he do this? What gave him the right to just pop back in here without any warning, after leaving me like that? Did he think that just because he was trapped in his stupid afterlife with nothing better to do he could do _this_ to me?

Only then he looked at me. His gorgeous dark eyes, full of sadness, bore into mine, and I felt all that confidence about my feelings just vanish.

No! This wasn't fair. He couldn't _do_ this to me. I was so sure that I couldn't care less if I never saw him again and suddenly I didn't know what to think. I hated it! Why did he have this control over me? How could he just confuse all my feelings with one look?

He got up, placing Spike down on the window seat, his eyes fixed on me the whole time.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I don't know what he thought had happened to me, but he seemed worried about me.

I just ignored the question. "What are you doing here?" I asked quietly.

I had no idea what to hope the answer would be. But I supposed there was no way he'd ask for me to take him back, so what else really mattered?

"I saw Slater today. He said you were taking this badly. I just… I needed to know…" He trailed off realising how uncomfortable the situation was.

I didn't answer. God, I was close to _tears!_ How did he _think_ was taking it?

Jesse seemed to get the message. He stood there looking at me sadly for a minute, then he said, "He also said that… that you went to _him_ for… comfort. Susannah, is this true?"

I stared at him. I could hardly believe what he just said. I suddenly started feeling angry again.

"So that's why you're here, is it Jesse?" I asked as calmly as I could, which wasn't very calmly at all, I have to say. "Because you're _jealous?_"

Jesse didn't say anything; he seemed totally shocked at my outburst.

"You tell me we need to stop seeing each other and that I need to find someone new, someone alive. And that's perfectly fine with you as long as I stay away from Paul Slater!"

For once I was actually thankful that Brad was playing his awful music full blast down the hall. Hopefully it would muffle any sound coming from my room, because I was pretty sure my voice had risen quite a lot.

Jesse started to say something, but I wasn't done yet. "For information, yes I did let Paul comfort me the other night. But I did _not_ go running to him the second you left the room. God, I can't even believe you'd think that!"

I glared at Jesse, but I actually felt kind of glad that I'd managed to pull my self together. Jesse, on the other hand was looking miserable. Good, I thought. At least now he knew how I'd felt.

It wasn't until he spoke, though, that I found that this _wasn't_ because he was ashamed of himself. It was something else entirely. "I didn't believe him," he said simply.

I felt a pang of guilt with those words. Stupid, I know, just because he _hadn't_ assumed I'd gone running off to Paul straight away didn't give him the right to say that what _eventually_ happened was wrong. But I still couldn't help feeling bad for yelling at him.

"Look," I said, deciding that I'd settle this by telling Jesse the half-truth, "it wasn't what you're thinking. We just talked. Paul gave me a shoulder to cry on, that's it. He didn't try anything."

I didn't think it was necessary to tell Jesse about what happened earlier today. It would only upset him.

Jesse nodded, he wasn't fully satisfied with my account of what happened, I could tell, but he seemed to have realised that it wasn't his place anymore to be upset about me not hating Paul.

"So," I said, there was something that had been bugging me since I saw him, "is this how it's going to be from now on? You're just going to keep popping over whenever it suits you?"

Jesse's face was grim. "I had to see you."

My heart skipped a beat. God, why was he doing this to me?

"Don't you think that that's all _I_ wanted since you left?" I asked him. "But _I_ can't come and see you whenever I feel like it. You just can't keep doing this. When I saw you today, I could feel my heart breaking all over again. I can't live like that Jesse."

"It would drive us both mad," he agreed sadly.

I nodded, noticing that my anger had melted away and was replaced with sadness to match Jesse's.

"And so would being apart… In my case that is," Jesse added.

And then I couldn't take it anymore. I stumbled forward and wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest.

"I missed you Jesse," I whispered.

Jesse kissed the top of my head. "We could try again, Susannah. We could find a way to make it work."

I pulled back and looked up at him, unsure. Did I want to risk more heartbreak from a love that just seemed to be doomed from the start?

"I don't know Jesse," I said slowly, "I'll have to think about it."

Jesse nodded. "I'll go then," he said. He smiled then added, "For now."

I smiled sadly as he dematerialised.

**A/N: Sorry the chapter is so short. I just needed to end it there. I also hope no P/S fans were put off by this chapter. It should get better. **

**RandomColors: It looks like you're the only one who wants this to be J/S. I guess we'll all have to see how it turns out. **

**Metamorphosis00: I can't make Jesse evil! I always try my best to make Jesse as in character as possible; I really don't like the idea of making him evil. Sorry.**

**Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry I couldn't reply to all of you, but I've got to go right now! I still love you all though! **

**Review, please!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 **

**Paul's pov**

Suze didn't look at me once during homeroom.

I have no idea why. I mean, the way she kissed me last night had given me the impression that she didn't exactly hate me anymore. And though I'll admit I didn't really know where that left us, I was pretty sure that she had moved on from completely ignoring me.

Or I _had_ been sure, anyway. I obviously found that this wasn't the case when I walked into the room and she didn't so much as look at me.

The first chance I got to talk to her all day was at lunch. She'd managed to avoid me in between lessons, but it wasn't particularly hard to find her when she was sitting down with her friends, eating her lunch. I walked right up to her and asked her if I could talk to her in private.

I could tell she wasn't really looking forward to it – the panic that appeared on her face the moment she saw me was extremely obvious – but I had to give her credit for at least _trying_ to sound nonchalant when she went, "Sure," then, turning to Adam and CeeCee, "I'll be right back." So I guess whatever the problem was, it had nothing to do with her going back to pretending to hate me - or whatever it was she was doing before last night.

Suze followed me back inside the school, which, save the odd novice walking past, was practically empty, since we all had to eat outside. As soon as we were on our own I got to the point: "Why have you been ignoring me all morning?"

Suze didn't seem to have an excuse. So, instead, she settled for denying it. "I haven't been ignoring you."

"Avoiding me then," I said, trying my best to hide my irritation. "You can't deny that you've not come anywhere near me at all today. It's obvious you don't even want to talk to me now… I'm assuming it had something to do with what happened yesterday."

I noticed that Suze looked as if she felt bad about this. So that was a good sign. I hoped.

"Not exactly…" she said.

Right. Thanks Suze, that helps a lot.

"Meaning…?" I asked, as patiently as I could.

Fortunately, at this point Suze decided to be straight with me. "No," she said. "This has nothing to do with what happened at your house yesterday. But…" she paused, looking up at me uncertainly.

"But what?" I asked, still pretty confused about her behaviour.

"Why didn't you tell me that you spoke to Jesse yesterday?"

This was really not what I was expecting to hear from her. It took me a few seconds to remember to answer the question.

"I didn't really think of it," I told her truthfully. "It didn't seem that important. Did Father Dominic tell you about it or something?"

"Jesse told me," She said. "_He_ obviously thought your meeting was important."

"Jesse came to you?" I asked. I thought he was supposed to have left her for good. Why would he have gone to her? Just to talk to her about _that_?

"Yes, he was waiting for me in my room when I got back from your place. He wanted to know if I was alright."

"He wanted to know if you were _alright_? Seriously? After he just _left_ you?"

"Yes. He was worried about me. Because of what you said to him."

"So you told him where to go, right?" I asked. I was positive she had. I mean, she was supposed to be getting over him. So that's what she'd do, right?

Suze sighed. "Sort of…"

"What? What does _that_ mean?"

"I told him off for jumping to conclusions about what I was doing going to your house the other day. But in the end I just couldn't be mad at him. I mean, he was really upset because he thought there was something going on between the two of us. And I denied it, but just half an hour earlier I'd been kissing _you._ And I know I shouldn't have, because it was none of his business anymore, but I felt really bad. And I kind of forgot about telling him that I'm perfectly fine with never seeing him again… And now he wants us to get back together."

I stared at her, then asked, though I was dreading the answer, "You didn't say yes did you?"

God, if she said yes now then I don't know what I'd do. Something stupid, probably. I couldn't believe this was happening.

"I told him I'd think about it," she said.

I tried to ignore the disappointment I felt at this. I mean, this was good; it meant that I might be able to convince her to say no.

Except… I needed to know something. "Did you want to say yes?"

I just knew I wasn't going to like the answer. She didn't reply at first, she just looked up at me. The look in her eyes was so different from yesterday before she kissed me. She had been confident and happy then. Now she was confused, unsure and definitely unhappy.

This was not, I was sure, a good sign. It was a sign that yesterday, when I had been so pleased about what happened, I was just getting my hopes up for nothing. I'd clearly thought that what had happened between me and Suze was something it was not.

I knew it. I didn't need Suze to nod her head, confirming that she did indeed want to get back together with Jesse. I just knew it. That's what would make her truly happy. Happier than yesterday when she was with me. She wanted Jesse.

But, for some reason, I felt inclined to try and stop her from getting that happiness.

"For God's sake Suze!" I said. "You can't go back to him. You can't make that mistake again."

I sounded angry. I didn't want to scare Suze away again, but I couldn't help it. Even though I knew Suze couldn't help her feelings for Jesse anymore than I could help my feelings for her.

I was jealous, I guess. That's what was making me feel this way. Pure jealousy.

Suze looked kind of helpless, which wasn't like her at all. "What if we could make it work? What if I could find a way-"

"It's impossible," I snapped. "The only way you could make it work would be to bring Jesse back to life and that is impossible."

"No," Suze argued, "If Jesse just promised not to leave like that again then we could make it work. I'm sure we could."

"And you think that would last forever?" I sneered. "Even though hardly anyone you know can see him? Even though you can't go out together or get married or have children? Even though as you grow older he won't age a single day?" I shook my head. "I don't think so."

If Suze had had the smallest bit of confidence about this when we started this conversation then it was going now. I could see it clearly in her face. She was losing hope. But for some reason she wouldn't give in. "We don't know until we try," she said quietly. "Maybe it could work."

I almost laughed. I mean, _as if! _But I settled for just going, "I find that really, really hard to believe."

Suze looked up at me with forced determination. "You're wrong," she said. Then she turned and walked away.

I called after her, not trying in the slightest to hide the bitterness in my voice, "Good luck, Suze!"

She just ignored me.

Once again, I had managed to turn myself into the enemy.

Great.

**A/N: Sorry this took so long. I wrote half of this chapter then forgot I'd written it. Don't ask how… I guess I've just had a lot of schoolwork recently. Meh, I'll try and be quicker with the next chapter.**

**Anyway, I'd reply to reviews, but my sisters have started ganging up on me because the want to go on some My Scene website. Gah! So I'll just say thanks to those who did review. You all rock!**

**I hope you liked this chapter. Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Suze's POV**

I waited until I was well away from Paul before I allowed the tears to fall.

Why did Paul do these things to me? Okay so maybe getting back together with Jesse wasn't such a good idea. Even when I was talking to Paul just then I hadn't been totally sure about it, but Paul had caused all how hopes to jut evaporate with every word he said.

Why had he acted like that? I mean, I hadn't exactly expected him to jump for joy at the news, but I hadn't expected him to have that reaction either. He'd been so cruel. The way he'd sneered at me and made me feel so stupid… it hurt.

I really can't believe I'd been stupid enough to think that he'd changed. I'd let my guard down for a minute and that was all it took for me to fall for his charms. He'd had me convinced that he cared about me… and now he'd done this.

I bet he was really pleased with himself because he thought I'd never go through with it. I bet he thought he'd won.

Well he was wrong! What did Paul Slater know about love anyway? All he cared about was himself, how would he know whether or not it was possible for things to work out between Jesse and me? He thought he knew everything, but I was going to show him how wrong he was.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and called Jesse.

The second he materialised he took one look at my tearstained face and went, "Querida, what happened?"

"Nothing," I said, then, knowing he'd want an explanation, I added, "just allergies."

Jesse looked sceptical. "Then why did you call me?"

"I just wanted to tell you something," I said. "I've made up my mind. About what you asked me last night, I mean."

"And…?" he said, looking slightly worried. He obviously thought I was going to say no. I guess it was the tears, who cried before telling someone something that should be happy? And he knew I'd been crying; that allergies thing didn't fool Jesse.

So I just gave him a small smile, then I stepped forward and kissed him.

He seemed surprised at first, but then he started to kiss back as lovingly as he always used to. We would make this work; I knew we would. And that'd show Paul that he didn't know quite as much as he seemed to think he did.

I pulled away from Jesse and looked up at him. He smiled down at me, looking totally happy. But I was surprised to find that I just couldn't bring myself to match that happiness. I forced a smile, feeling confused, because I knew I should be happy. I was with Jesse again. A few days ago I'd have given anything to be in this position. But I guess I'd been through too much in the last few days. And now things had changed.

I suddenly found it hard to meet his loving gaze, so I hugged him, hoping that this way Jesse wouldn't notice that there was anything wrong. The last thing I wanted right then was Jesse knowing how I was feeling.

So we just stood there holding each other, until I looked up and saw something that made my heart lurch.

Paul was standing there, looking about ready to kill someone. And the scary thing was, his eyes, so full of pain, hatred and dark fury, were on _me_, not Jesse.

I stepped away from Jesse, my eyes not leaving Paul's.

"So you've decided to go through with it, I see," he said. His voice was steady and seemingly calm, but it was also full of so many different emotions that it shocked me to hear it.

I didn't know how to reply, should I yell at him or try to explain myself or what? I didn't know.

Jesse was obviously not having the same problem, since he went, in this scary, no nonsense voice, "What do you want, Slater?"

Paul didn't even look at him. "Stay out of this, de Silva," he said, "this is between me and Suze."

Jesse didn't say anything else to Paul, he just took my hand and held it protectively – an action that only seemed to enrage Paul more, if the look on his face meant anything.

Since I wasn't answering him, Paul just went on, "You know, the things I've done and said to you in the past, even though I had my reasons for doing them, I'll admit that they weren't exactly the right things to do… But this time, Suze… this time I'm not the one who's in the wrong."

I looked at Jesse; he just seemed confused. He really didn't have a clue what Paul was on about. And to tell the truth, I wasn't too sure either. "I don't know what you're talking about," I said.

Paul let out a bitter laugh. "I find that hard to believe," he said. "But do you want me to explain anyway? Right here, in front of Jesse?"

I suddenly got his meaning loud and clear; he was upset about what happened last night, and, after seeing Jesse and me together, I guess he'd just snapped. Would he really tell Jesse about what happened between us, just to get back at me?

"Look Paul," I said quickly, because I knew Jesse was going to start asking questions any minute now, "that was a mistake. I'm sorry, okay?"

Paul didn't seem very comforted by this. "So you were just messing with my head then?" he asked, his eyes blazing, "Making me think you wanted me. What was it, revenge or something?"

He was so angry; it was actually scaring me a little. So I did what I always do when I'm scared, I tried to hide it.

"Messing with your head?" I repeated, trying to sound angry, it wasn't working though. "Paul, it's not as if you don't do that to me all the time. I mean, what was it you were doing to me just ten minutes ago? In fact, it seems like whenever I go anywhere near you you end up confusing all my feelings. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Paul shook his head, looking kind of exasperated, but the anger was still there. I'd never seen Paul like this before. "What do you want from me, Suze?" he yelled, "You dragged me into this! I was ready to give up on you, I didn't want to, but there didn't seem to be anything else I could do. But then _you_ came to me! _You_ kissed me, then went running back to him. And now you're trying to make it look like I'm the one who's done something wrong."

He didn't say it purposely to get Jesse angry. I could tell that he didn't care about Jesse anymore. This was just about him and me.

But that didn't mean that Jesse hadn't heard every word. And as I was standing there, trying to come up with an excuse for my behaviour Jesse went, "Susannah… is this true?"

His voice was full of hurt, and when I turned around and his dark eyes bore into mine, begging me to say it wasn't true… well, I'd never felt as guilty in my life.

"Jesse, I can explain," I said, pathetically.

Jesse stared at me like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He dropped my hand, which he'd been holding so tight for the past few minutes. He looked so sad; it made me feel like such a monster.

"Why, Susannah?" Jesse asked.

"I…" I didn't know what to say. I looked over at Paul, who was still glaring at me, then back at Jesse, and I realised that I couldn't lie my way out of this mess. I had to tell them both the truth; the problem is, I really don't have a clue what's been going through my head in the last few days.

"I did it… because I was angry with you, Jesse. I guess It was my way of getting back at you for leaving me," I looked up at him, "I am so sorry."

Jesse just shook his head sadly then dematerialised.

Normally I would have been angry with Paul for telling Jesse, but this time I knew it was my fault. I had done this on purpose just to hurt him. It seems like that's all I've been doing lately, trying to hurt one person after another. And I hadn't even realised that I'd been doing it until now. I hadn't realised that the only reason I decided to get back together with Jesse was to prove Paul wrong. That's all that had been going on in my head when I kissed Jesse. And that's not what you're supposed to be thinking about when you're kissing someone you love. It just proved that if Jesse never wanted to see me again then that would be exactly what I deserved.

I looked up and saw that Paul was still standing there, but now he was looking more depressed than angry. "I thought that that might be the case," he said in a soft voice, "That you only kissed me to get back at Jesse, I mean. But then I looked at you and you seemed really happy. And I actually thought that it was because of me. Stupid of me, huh?"

I looked away, feeling miserable, and a few seconds later I heard footsteps as Paul walked away. I was suddenly on my own.

And I had no one but myself to blame.

**A/N: Wow, I just realised that this story's nearly finished. There's only about one or two more chapters to go. Who else is excited?**

**Anyway, thanks for the reviews, I'll try to get the next chapter out soon.**

**Review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 **

**Suze's POV**

I thought about going home after what happened. When I walked back outside to where Adam and CeeCee were sitting, where the sun was shining and where it seemed like everyone but me was happy, I just wanted to cry. But I knew I couldn't run away. I'd gotten myself into this stupid mess and, since I couldn't get myself out of it, I had to deal with it. Running off home and crying in my room all night wasn't going to get me anything, but sympathy that I didn't deserve.

So instead I went to the rest of my lessons and listened to the teachers while I pretended that my heart wasn't breaking on the inside. When I got home I sat in front of the TV and intended to stay there for as long as I could get away with it. Anything was better than thinking about what had happened.

In the end it turned out that it didn't matter what I did to distract myself, I just couldn't get it out of my head. I couldn't believe that this had happened. It seemed so ridiculous that I'd actually gotten myself into a situation where Jesse and Paul both hated me because I couldn't decide between them. I'd always thought that there was no competition. Because, even though they were both hot, Jesse was the sweetest guy I'd ever met and Paul was like the king of all jerks. It shouldn't exactly be a hard decision to make.

It was just that, even though I always thought Paul was totally evil, when I was in his arms, it was like he was a totally different person. When he wanted to, he could make me feel like I didn't have to worry about anything, because he'd always be there. And that was something that, to me, was extremely appealing, because, let's face it; it was a feeling that Jesse couldn't give me.

But now it seemed that I'd be lucky if Paul even looked at me ever again. I guess it didn't matter whether they hated me or not, though, 'cause I still didn't know what I wanted.

Eventually I got fed up of watching TV, there was nothing interesting on anyway. I decided that I might as well go up to my bedroom and do my homework, but I didn't even have time to get my books out before Jesse materialised in front of me. I couldn't believe it. I thought I'd never see him again after this afternoon.

"Jesse…" I was saved from having to think of another pointless apology by Jesse interrupting me.

"Susannah, I'm sorry," he said. I stared at him, what was _he_ sorry for? "I shouldn't have reacted that way."

"Jesse, what do you mean?" I asked. This didn't make sense.

"I had no right," he continued, "What you did after I left was none of my business. And if you say that that kiss meant nothing then I believe you, because leaving you was the hardest and the most stupid thing I've ever done and I don't want to do it again."

I think that was supposed to be the part where I threw myself into his arms and told him I loved him and then we lived happily ever after. It was obviously what Jesse was expecting. But it wasn't what happened. Instead I just stood there, thinking that this wasn't how it was supposed to be. I wasn't supposed to be feeling so sad. But the truth was that I finally knew what I really wanted. Because if the only reason I had kissed Paul was to get back at Jesse, them why had it been the only time that I'd been really, truly, happy since all of this began? And why was it that all I wanted to do now was to kiss him again?

"Jesse…" I began. Oh God, how was I supposed to do this? "Jesse I think you were right about us all along. It's just not going to work."

He didn't say anything at first and I think I got a taste of what it had been like for him when he broke up with me. I'd thought he couldn't possibly have loved me to do something like that to me, but I now knew that that wasn't true, because here I was doing the exact same thing to him and I loved him, I really did. But after everything we'd been through, all the tears and heartbreak, I finally knew that it just wasn't enough. And I think that the fact that I was pretty sure that at some point during all this I had fallen for Paul had something to do with it as well.

When a few minutes had passed and he still hadn't said anything, I just couldn't take it anymore, it had to have been the most uncomfortable silence ever. "Jesse…" I said softly.

He looked up and as soon as his eyes met mine I understood exactly what he was going through, it was the exact same as what I'd gone through just a few days earlier.

"It's really over between us, isn't it?" he said.

I nodded. "I'm so sorry."

"I should go."

I didn't try to stop him, but there was one thing I had to say before he went. "I love you," I told him, "I've always loved you, you know that, right?"

Jesse nodded. "Yes. I know that." And then he dematerialised.

* * *

I don't know what I was supposed to be thinking right then. I suppose these sorts of situations affect everyone differently. But for me there was sadness – and there was also relief. Because even though I'd always hoped that there could be some way that I could stay with Jesse, I didn't have to worry about it any more. And whenever I was happy I wouldn't have this voice at the back of my head telling me that it would never last. So even though I'd cried when Jesse dematerialised, it was still like he'd taken this huge weight off my shoulders with him when he left.

So now there was only one thing I had to do: sort things out with Paul.

So, a while after Jesse left I wiped my eyes, then I went downstairs and snuck out when no one was looking. I took the car to Paul's, there'd have been too many questions asked if I'd asked for a lift and I really didn't have the patience for that right then. Besides, what I had to say to Paul was way more important than the fact that I didn't have my driver's licence yet.

I couldn't get to Paul's house fast enough, but when I did pull up in his driveway I realised that I didn't have a clue how I was supposed to do this.

**

* * *

**

**Paul's POV**

It seems funny that after so many weeks of chasing after Suze and refusing to give up on her, no matter how many times I was rejected, all it took for me to get the message was for her to just pretend she wanted me. It sounds stupid, doesn't it? That something that sounds so simple could have had that effect on me. But it did. Because it was so much more than Suze kissing me then saying it was a mistake. She'd given me all I'd wanted since the minute I laid eyes on her … and then she'd taken it away, just like that. You can't imagine how it felt to be told that something that had made me so unbelievably happy was all just a big lie.

That's what made me decide I had to give up, because if she could do something like that to me then it was obvious that I was wasting my time.

I spent the afternoon sitting in my room trying to decide what I should do now. I suppose I should have been off with Kelly or someone, trying to have fun, instead of sitting in my room, wallowing in self-pity. It didn't seem right, though, to settle for second best, after coming so close to having Suze. It was almost unnatural.

I spent hours thinking about it, just lying there, like the total loser I was turning into. It was around seven when the doorbell rang. I went to get it, thankful for the distraction, but not so thankful when I saw Suze standing there.

She'd been crying, I could tell. I wondered if it was because of me, then dismissed the thought. You had to actually care about someone before they could make you cry. But then, why was she here?

"I need to talk to you," she said.

I should have shut the door in her face. It's what any normal person would have done, and even as I was inviting her inside I was asking myself what the hell I was doing. "Is there somewhere we can go? To talk, I mean," she asked as I shut the door behind her. I nodded and lead her up to my bedroom. I don't know why I chose there. It was out of habit, I guess. I lay down on my bed and she stood next to me, awkwardly.

"I'm not really sure what to say," she mumbled, "It doesn't seem like there is anything I can say to make this right."

"I sure can't think of anything," I agreed in this casual tone that probably annoyed the hell out of her, although she tried her best not to let it show.

"I'm so sorry," she said, "I honestly don't know what I was thinking. In fact I wasn't thinking, it's like I've totally lost all ability to think lately."

I didn't even look at her. "I don't know, it all seemed like a pretty good plan to me," I said in the same tone of voice as before. "You use me to make you feel better, while you wait for Jesse to change his mind, then you can go back to being the perfect couple. And what does it matter if you just ditch me and pretend nothing happened, the second things start to go you're way, because since when did _I_ have any feelings?"

There was a few second of uncomfortable silence before Suze spoke again. "It's over between Jesse and me," she said and I finally looked up at her. "I finished it… once and for all."

"When?" I asked, sitting up, surprised.

"Just before I came here," she replied. She looked so sad that I knew she wasn't lying.

It didn't make sense, though, that she'd do something like that, after everything she'd been through. "Why?"

"I just realised that I was just trying to hold on to something that was never going to last. I thought it was something that was making me happy, but all it was really doing was causing me pain, you know?"

I was finding this kind of hard to process; Suze had actually left Jesse, the guy who was supposedly perfect for her in everyway.

"And besides," she went on, "how could I stay with Jesse, when all I've been able to think about for the past few days is you?"

I stared at her, trying to figure out if she really had just said that or it was just my imagination playing some incredibly sick joke on me. Everything on Suze's face told me that she was telling the truth, that she really was choosing me over Jesse. But that was impossible wasn't it?

Suddenly, I realised why I hadn't been able to go find some other girl to replace Suze. Because no one else would do. And even though her emerald eyes were red from crying and there were tear stains on her cheeks, I still thought she was the most beautiful person in the world. Everything that had happened earlier today suddenly didn't matter because when I looked up at her right then I just knew that she was the only girl I'd ever want.

I reached out and pulled her down towards me and then I kissed her. The kiss was slow and tender and she tasted so sweet. It could have gone on forever and it would have been all I ever needed. I'd never kissed anyone else the way I kissed Suze. Because no one was anywhere near as important to me as Suze was and as we kissed I held onto her as if I thought she'd disappear if I let go. She ran her fingers through my hair and I started to kiss her more fiercely because the soft slow movement of her lips on mine that we'd started out with was like some kind of wonderful torture. When we had to stop for air we lay on the bed, staying as close to each other as we possibly could. I looked straight into her eyes and whispered, "Please say this is for real."

"It is," she whispered back, "I swear it is." Then she smiled and traced a finger down the side of my face. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of her skin against mine. And when she kissed me, it was different from the other day. It wasn't as desperate, it was more loving, and that was all the proof I needed, I knew this was what she wanted.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, just kissing and holding each other. It was like a dream or something, because it didn't seem real that I could just look at someone, smiling at me as I brushed her hair out of her face and feel the way I did. I pulled her closer to me and continued to run my fingers through her hair. "I love you," I whispered.

She burrowed her face into the crook of my neck and didn't say anything. After a few minutes she looked up at me. "Paul," she said softly, "I think I love you too."

I smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her again. This had gone beyond a dream now, it felt like I'd actually stepped into some kind of alternate universe, because I'd always thought that that was the only way I could ever get Suze to say that to me. Eventually things started to seem more normal, when Suze announced that she had to go.

I frowned as she got up and straightened out her clothes. "Do you have to?"

She nodded. "I didn't tell my mum where I was going. She's probably worried sick."

"Come on, then," I sighed, getting up. We walked down to the front door together and just as she was stepping outside I pulled her back to me and kissed her. Then I smiled at her. "See you tomorrow," I said.

She grinned at me. "Yeah, see you."

**

* * *

Suze's POV**

After receiving the biggest lecture in the history of big lectures I went up to my room, still feeling like the happiest person in the world. It wasn't until later that night when Jesse came back that I stopped feeling so happy.

"Hey," I said, giving him a weak smile.

Jesse looked at me sadly. "I've been thinking about what you said before and I think that I'm finally ready to say goodbye."

The second the words were out of his mouth I stepped up to him and flung my arms round him. "I'll miss you," I said.

"Will you be happy, though?" he asked.

I pulled back and smiled up at him. "Yeah, I think I will."

He finally smiled back. "Then that's all I need to know."

"Goodbye Susannah… I love you."

"Bye Jesse."

And even though I knew that was watching him dematerialise for the last time, I didn't mind, because somehow I knew that things were going to be okay.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, yeah, it was a pretty rubbish ending, but I'm so totally out of ideas for this fic that that's the best I can do.But anyway, wahoo! This is the first ever Mediator story that I've actually finished! And it only took me like a million years or something. Go me! Thank you to everyone who read it and especially those who reviewed, you all rock!**

**Please tell me what you think of this chapter.**

**Love ya!**

**-Elaine**


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